Last week I received a Universal assignment to practice forgiveness. Most importantly self-forgiveness. Many years I looked at my failures as a reflection of who I am and punished myself through harsh words and other choices. I was not always aware of these behaviors, and as I dove into this assignment I realized that forgiving myself first helps so much to let go of the burden I have been carrying around about others’ behavior, choices, thoughts, and deeds.
We are only responsible for our own actions; how we think, how we react or respond to our environment, how we perceive the experiences in front of us, and what we make up about them.
For so long I perceived and believed that I was not good enough in so many levels, so I punished myself for all my shortcomings, or I created an environment that would do that.
Forgiveness can be challenging while hanging onto perceptions and pain, but it is a very rewarding process as we move through it. On the other side of healing old wounds and practicing forgiveness for my thoughts and actions, I found myself seeing the same experiences differently. It is almost like someone washed the window I was looking through, out into the world.
One special, experience I carried with me for 6 years I am able to see through a different light and it brings me joy to see the true purpose of it as I practice self-forgiveness, which allowed me to forgive the actions of someone else. This new light brought me the opportunity to not only have a different perspective but to also see him as one and not separate. To understand my part in the assignment as well as to start to understand his purpose and why the Universe arranged our meet.
It was a sunny and beautiful day in Florida as I made my way to a meeting I was so honored to be invited to. I knew I was about to meet some amazing members of our community, but I had no idea about the journey I was about to embark to heal and transform my life in ways I could not do it alone. I like to mention that when the Universe arranges things it usually doesn’t look or feels like as it is really meant for at first. It is our willingness to show up for these assignments that will help us see the true purpose of each opportunity.
I was in a pretty good space, going to school, working out, working part-time and looking to do more to be in service to others. That is the reason I went to this meeting, believing I will find opportunities there to do that. The Universe had a different plan and for that, I am so grateful. I was working out pretty hard those days and my body was longing for a massage and I was looking for a massage therapist. This is how it all started. I am looking for something the Universe delivers. He was sweet and came highly recommended, so I booked a session. The day of my appointment came around and be it at my apartment made it convenient for me to relax in my own environment. During the message, I started to see and feel things. Things that did not make sense to me. I was having visions of war fields, soldiers in pictures standing in front of an armored car, numbers, and letters I had no knowledge of meaning anything and names I knew nobody of.
As I laid on the massage table I felt this nudge to ask him if he believed in mediums and that I have to share something with him. I remember apologizing ahead if I freaked him out and asking him not to run out on me. He just laughed and told me it wouldn’t be the first. I felt weird and nervous. I have been experiencing shifts in my energy and having experiences of visions and receiving messages through some spiritual work I’ve done, but I kept this little secret among friends and dismissed its value for a long time, as I just didn’t believe I was made to be a spiritual person who can make contact with the spirit world. I always connected with my grandfather but, like I said, I kept it among friends.
That day everything changed. I started sharing my visions and they just kept coming. I felt my body temperature rising and a sense of energy flow I never felt before. The information I shared was validated as part of his experience in the service. Each person contacting me were his teammates who fail behind in combat. I even received the perfect combination of the aircraft number they were using for transports. I look back and I see the purpose of that meeting in a different light. He was sent into my life to help me open up and tap into a gift I meant to use to help others heal, but before I was able to do that I had to start the healing for myself.
It was 6 years ago and as we stay connected and continue to have respect, love, support, and compassion for each other there was pain along the way.
Some of his choices caused me some heartache and pain, which I forgave a long time ago as deep down I just knew it had nothing to do with me. The difference between forgiving him and myself is the level of healing I have experienced and how this healing allowed me to see the purpose of our meeting from a different perspective and truly understand my purpose, not only in this Universal assignment but in the World.
It was not the first heartbreak I experienced, but it was the first time I was able to see it in a different light. After working on forgiving myself for the choices I made, how I have treated myself for years over my failures and downfalls, the beliefs I lived by, and how I gave my power away to so many in light of feeling loved, wanted, accepted, valuable and worthy, what really helped me see my true purpose; to be the light for those who is looking for the way back to their true self!
I had no idea that I made it safe for him, just like for others before him, to come into my space just by being true to myself, showing up and creating a safe space to open up, let go, give and receive love and start to heal. I didn’t see it this way, because I couldn’t. Not through the pain, I held onto so deep inside. Not through the old belief that every man just comes and goes as soon as they get bored, or find someone better. I could not see the truth of this assignment until I cleared out my mess I lived in until I forgave myself and started to treat myself with respect, love, kindness, and compassion.
It was like a cloudy day clearing up. The pure truth of the assignment showed itself as soon as I surrendered and let go of my old stories and beliefs. I cried knowing how beautiful and healing the truth is. I cried because part of me didn’t want this assignment to end as I believe people come and go as their purpose called them into every Universal assignment. I cried because I felt the most beautiful love words can’t describe, not only toward him but for the experience as well. I cried not from sadness, but from love, I never felt before. The knowing of the true purpose of us being guided into each other’s lives 6 years earlier brought me the most magical sense of understanding of all other assignments I have ever encountered and will be shown in the future.
Without looking within, surrendering and showing up for this week’s Forgiveness assignment I would not be able to have the perception and clarity I have today.
It is not enough to know we need to change things. We must start taking action toward the emotional desires we have and the first place we must look is inside of ourselves, as we are the projector of our inner world into the environment we live in. I created what I believed about myself and the world inside and changing my inner world started to change the world around me.
Do you want to change the world around you?
Start by changing the world within you!
Forgiveness through self-compassion, knowing that you did nothing wrong can bring new meaning to old experiences and the Emotional Freedom on the other side is the priceless gift you can give yourself.