Today I had an honor watching two beautiful souls being in each other’s space. Embracing each other with so much love and kindness, while in the middle of a harsh reality and transition in their lives. I watched as a kind, gentle and unconditional elderly gentleman visited his beautiful wife in a nursing home.
She is faced with health challenges and her condition is advanced to the point where she does not know where, what, when and how things are most of the time.
What really touched me today was the love I experienced coming out of her husband as he visited for a couple hours, like he does everyday like clockwork. He never miss a beat. He never lose his composer and his passion for her.
He always treats her like this is the first time he ever laid eyes on her. He tells her how much he loves her. He calls her his beauty, he kisses her and sits by her side holding her hand no matter if she is awake or sleeping in her chair or if she is laying in bed.
He takes her for walks in her wheelchair in the hallways and talks to her like she is the most precious gift in his life!
He loves everything about her! Unconditionally and deeply! He is soft and caring, kind and funny, and most of all present even in the most unpleasant moments!
He does not check out when things gets tough!
He does not put the responsibility of caring for her on others when something unpleasant happens.
He appreciates all the support and help they receive, and most of all he is consistent with his gratitude for every little moment he has with his beautiful bride!
As I am witnessing the depth of this beautiful connection and compassion in one human being toward another, who cannot return it most of the time, I wonder when we, as the human race, became so conditional, disconnected, fearful, and unappreciative. I wonder why we just give up and shy away from the things we once loved full heartedly and step left when things change and does not fit into the mold we created and labeled love!
And as I sit by the window watching the rain, listening to some soft music I see a beautiful soul sleeping in her chair and I remembered!
We are so afraid!!! We, the human race, are just afraid!
But what is it that scares us so much that we are willing to turn our backs on people we love, that has us shut down and become empty shells towards the life we once dreamed of having?
What are we so afraid of that we choose to keep people at arm’s length rather than let them in and make space for them?
What are we so afraid of?
I know what I’m afraid of!!!!
I know and I recognize the fears that has me stop in my tracks, the fears that I give power to at times and allow to make decisions for me and my life!
I know I am afraid of letting people down. I know I am scared of not being enough and being too much. I recognize when I’m afraid of moving forward and worrying about leaving others behind. I know when I am afraid of being judged. I feel it when I am scared of letting people close and being seen for all my might, and I know when I let my fear of abandonment, rejection, betrayal and success take the wheel. My fear is loving someone so deeply that I become transparent and vulnerable, and I am seen for all my strengths and weaknesses.
But my biggest fear of all is being loved so deeply!!!!!
Why am I afraid of having someone loving me like this beautiful man loves his wife?
Honestly I don’t have the answer for that. Honestly there is so much I haven’t figured out yet, but one thing I truly believe that if we all just try a little each day to be compassionate and kind to one another without expecting anything in return, if we just practice a little gratitude for what we are blessed with, and look for the beauty in the things we have in our lives, we all would have so much more to enjoy, even on those not so pleasant days!
I am learning to see passed the unpleasant part of things and remember that within all of us there is light and love. If I keep looking for that even as I go through the not so pleasant experiences I believe moving forward, forgiving, healing and growing becomes just a bit easier each time.
So, please, remember why you loved them in the first place, how special it felt being in their space, but most of all remember that letting someone in is a gift in so many ways, even on the not so pleasant days.
Live each moment like it was the last one you will ever share with those in your life, because tomorrow is not promised!